I can't believe its been more then 10 months since i last blogged. I guess laziness got the better of me. Its just that i thought there were better stuffs for me to do instead of blogging, such as watching videos or playing games. Also, i had thought that there was no point in keeping an online diary when it was readily accessible to the general public. Maybe i don't have to worry about that now, since, as stated, the last post was dated back in October 2006, there won't be any reason for past readers to read what i blog. Besides, there is nothing else for me to do.. except to blog.

Not surprisingly, a lot has happened for the past 10 months. Too much to remember in exact order, but in a rough chronological order:

Formed a band
Fell into depression
SCC Annual Concert IV
Fell into depression
Band disbanded
Fell into depression
Organised SCC Chalet I
Fell into depression
Started new semester, immediately assumed role of class outcast
Fell into depression
Registered for GCE 'O level paper, Additional Mathematics
Fell into depression
Being increasingly inactive for NCC activities, for both HQ and School
Fell into depression
Entertained thoughts of relinquishing my passion for drums
Fell into depression
Got new handphone, Sony Ericsson W580i
Fell into depression
Almost lost best friend
Fell into depression
Failed a core module, resulting in me having to repeat a year in Ngee Ann
Fell into depression
SCC Camp 2007
Fell into depression
Performed not up to expectations for Wei Ming's song for a Monthly Performance in the midst of Wei Ming, Maxwell and Edmund, with freshies, seniors and past alumnis abound.
Fell into depression
Asked to perform for a group of freshies
Fell into depression
Organised SCC Chalet II
Made a decision and took a chance
For the first time in years, i once again tasted my tears
Fell into depression

That's pretty much the summary. I know, i might have gotten too overboard with the whole 'Fell into depression' thing, it's like.. on and off. Of course, there were probably other stuffs that did happen unmentioned along the way (besides the depression thing), but there's too much to remember. Some life i'm living. Many people refer to me as an 'emo kid', i couldn't feel they were more wrong. It's not like i want to die or anything, it's just that my life has so many downs that it's getting really hard to live through it. Did you actually believe that all those times you guys saw me smiling and laughing, that it was for real? I just don't want you people to know about what i face through my life. That would be selfish of me. Everyone has their own problems already, why must i be so special as to share mine to others and expect them to handle it for me? No.. that would be wrong.

Sometimes i feel that, no one really understands me. Or maybe it's just that i don't allow myself to be understood. I always close myself to others before they know too much. However, i do share some of what i go through to one person, and that is Huijia. Why? I myself don't get it either. It could be that i share a certain affinity with her? I really do not know. Although i do share some stuff with her, there are still certain things that i did not tell her. If possible, i would try not to trouble her with my problems as i know she has her own too. But sometimes, like this instance, it gets so hard to suppress everything down inside me. I have to let it out somehow. If i don't talk to anyone, i don't know what will happen. I have no other person i can turn to for help, so thanks Huijia for being there for me when no one else was. You've certainly helped me to live on at times.

Moving on to the present..

When i had reached home after booking out from the chalet yesterday, i was so beat and emotionally drained that i did not realised i had set my alarm to 4.30 a.m. instead of 4.30 p.m. . Needless to say, i woke up too late to attend the SCC activity. Even if i had set the correct time, i might not have gone anyway as i was still seriously lethargic. When i woke up again at about 8.00 p.m., i took my dinner which my brother had bought for me and played some songs. Ok i give.. i specifically chosen to play what people would normally deem as 'emo' songs. I guess, i just wanted to listen to something befitting the mood. Somehow, i couldn't get to sleep that night, even though it was already past 1 in the morning. I figure there must be swirls of thoughts flooding my mind, keeping me awake. Eventually, i did fall asleep, and dreamt.. dreamt of.. a dreamless dream..

How can i still hold on to my sanity..

"Even though you couldn't accept me, i hope that this will, in no way, affect our friendship whatsoever. We could pretend that nothing has happened and just move on with our lives. It would pain me if things would not be the same that it was due to my foolish desire.

Although.. this won't change the fact that, i have true feelings for you. Rest assured, i won't make any moves that will cause us to not be friends in any way. I'm happy enough that i got to meet someone like you, and will only be able to like you from a distance."

"Sincerely, i wish for you to meet your perfect Capricorn soon. Someone to care for you and ensures happiness for your life everyday."